Monday, January 25, 2010

Minnesota Vikings Blame George W. Bush For Playoff Loss

Citing his failed response to Katrina, the presence of his father in Saints owner Tom Benson's private booth, as well as the fact that everything else seems to be his fault, the Minnesota Vikings today blamed their overtime NFC Championship loss to the New Orleans Saints on former President George W. Bush.

Former Packer-Jet-and-soon-Viking QB Brett Favre was among the more adamant projectors of blame onto the former President who has been gone from office for one year as of January 20. "The problems we had holding onto the ball against the Saints defense are problems that didn't just begin in the game but go back over the decisions of the last eight years that have left us unable to hold onto an oblong-shaped pigskin." Viking RB Adrian Peterson, who fumbled three times but never lost one, was just as convinced that the Saints were carrying over residual anger from the federal government's failed response to Hurricane Katrina in 2005, a Category 5 hurricane that levelled this once beautiful city. Mayor Ray Nagin declared, "We're gonna make New Orleans choccolate again, and the Saints dark-colored uniforms are all part of the gradual accomplishment of that goal."

Not as willing to blame Bush for many of the Vikings problems, Saints Coach Sean Payton said, "I think you've got to give our players an awful lot of credit." Payton did go on to note, however, that perhaps the Vikings deserved to lose since they haven't supported a Republican for President since 1972, including Bush's two runs for the White House in 2000 and 2004. "I guess we came out on the right side of that one," said Payton.

The former President could not be reached for comment, but current President Barack Obama, reading prepared remarks from a teleprompter, noted, "Louisiana is indeed one of the more fortunate of our 57 states. They have taught us all about human courage, the power of hope, and how using a voodoo doll on Brett Favre will help you get where you want to go." The President failed to make his scheduled appearance at the game after attempting to feed a Bourbon Street crowd with five loaves and two fishes. Ater successfully feeding two winos, the President sought the safety of the Secret Service. He did, however, announce plans to go forward with a $787 billion stimulus package for New Orleans, saying, "Perhaps if we build stronger levees then they won't be such damp people anymore."

NOTE: Original. Not borrowed from "The Onion."

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